iWill Never Have a Mrs Benson
by Random Storygirl
Summary: An idle comment from Carly spurs a debate about marriage between Freddie and Sam. How will this affect their future as a couple?


**Author's Note: **Wow! I just have to say this: I wasn't expecting to get eighteen freaking reviews on iWatch Galaxy Wars! That's just amazing. Thanks to everyone who reviewed that. I appreciate it so much. Okay, so I got this idea while reading another Seddie story about Sam having triplets, even though this has absolutely nothing to do with babies. I'm just weird like that. So yeah. Here you go. Set a few months after iLost My Mind once again, if Seddie is still together by then. :D

**Disclaimer: **Do I look like Dan Schneider? If you said yes, you have a problem, because I am a teenage girl and have never been, nor will I ever be, a man. And because I am not Dan Schneider, I do not own, nor will I ever own, a children's TV show produced by him such as iCarly. We clear? Good. On with the story.

**iWill Never Have a Mrs. Benson**

"He's a mermaid!" Sam shouted.

"Wanna buy a smoothie?" T-Bo walked over to Carly, Sam, and I and asked us, interrupting our conversation about why we think Gibby hates wearing a shirt.

"We already have smoothies," I informed him, holding up my Strawberry Splat, "We bought them just a few minutes ago. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, but you'll like these ones better. They're on a stick!" he presented his wooden rod with three smoothies vertically impaled on it.

"Really, T-Bo?" Carly questioned him amusedly.

"Whattaya mean?" he replied, confused.

"You put holes through the cups by putting them on the stick. Now they'll leak, doofus," Sam reasoned.

"No they won't!" he argued, pulling the top smoothie off the stick. Just like Sam had predicted, purple fluid seeped from the bottom of it.

"See?" Carly concluded.

"Yeah…" T-Bo agreed, "I understand. But you can still drink it!" he offered, holding the cup over his mouth and letting the smoothie's contents drip into his mouth.

"That's very inconvenient," I noted.

"Yeah! Well so are you!" T-Bo remarked loudly, frustrated. He then returned back to the counter, holding his hand under the leaky smoothie to keep it from spilling onto the floor.

"Okay…" Sam declared, "I still accept the mermaid theory,"

"Mermaids aren't real," I corrected her.

"But wouldn't it explain so much?" she queried. We all contemplated it for a second before nodding in concurrence.

"Okay, I seriously doubt he's half-fish, but enough chatter about Gibby's chronic indecent exposure," Carly dropped the subject, "Let's talk iCarly. We still gotta think of another sketch we can do,"

"We could do 'What's That Liquid I Just Poured in Your Pants?'." Sam suggested.

"I guess, but I'm sure none of us wanna do it, and Gibby vowed never to do it again after we put that hot sauce in his jeans," Carly told us.

"What about another Pathetic Play?" I tried.

"Do you guys have any ideas?" Carly interrogated.

"Not for Idiot Farm Girl or Old Englishman," I sighed.

"How about a new one?" Sam optioned. Everyone thought for about a minute until Carly's eyes sprang open wide in inspiration.

"I got it!" she cried, "We can do one about a businesswoman who's convinced that she was born without a bladder and have her go to a conference and pee herself, causing her boss to fire her," She looked at both of us hopefully.

"It's…interesting," I commented tentatively.

"It's lame," Sam stated bluntly.

"And kinda gross," I added.

"Okay…how about the classic old married couple thing? The wife could be hard of hearing and the husband could be practically blind. And they could have a grandchild who always does bad things and the grandparents could have trouble trying to communicate what they see and hear her do to each other,"

"Hmmm…we could build on that," Sam granted.

"Okay, so first off, who should be who?" I inquired.

"I think I should be the grandchild who does bad things. It would be super easy to get into character," Sam voiced.

"True…But I think you should be the wife so Freddie can be the husband, if you know what I'm saying," Carly smiled and elbowed her playfully.

"I know what you're saying, and no," Sam dissented.

"Why not? You are the future Mrs. Benson. Might as well prepare for it," Carly advised.

"I won't be Mrs. Benson even if goats start hopping over Mars," Sam muttered. My heart dropped at that statement. My parent's matrimony didn't work out and neither did her mom's as far as I knew, so I had put some thought into this topic and hoped that we could have the marriage they never had someday. But at that moment, it seemed as though that dream had been flushed down the toilet. And then stomped into the ground. And then set on fire by one of Spencer's accidentally flammable creations.

"So you're saying that there's no way you would ever marry me?" I asked incredulously, trying to hide how upset I was.

"That's not what I said!" she defended.

"You said you'd never be Mrs. Benson!" I reminded her.

"That's true. I did say that," she confirmed.

"So you'll never marry me? What's the point of even having a relationship if there's no future?" I interrogated. I could tell that my vehemence for this subject was evident through my words.

"Guys, calm down," Carly warned, "You're making a scene," I noticed a few pairs of eyes staring at us.

"No! I'd marry you if we're still together when we're older. I just said I'd never be Mrs. Benson!" Sam explained, ignoring Carly. I suddenly understood and relaxed.

"Do you mean that you don't wanna change your last name to mine if we get married?" I questioned.

"Exactly,"

"Why not?"I asked, curious.

"First off, Sam Benson sounds nubbish," she judged.

"No it doesn't! It actually sounds cool to me," I assured her.

"That's your opinion. And I also want to carry on the Puckett name," she listed.

"Why would you want to be associated with your freak show relatives?" I inquired disbelievingly.

"Well, if my last name was Benson, I'd still be allied with a weird family!" she spat.

"At least the Bensons are gifted fencers! What skill do Pucketts have? Professional eating?" I regretted that insult as soon as it escaped my lips.

"Alright, enough! I thought we were done with ancestral insults!" she folded her arms across her chest.

"Sorry, they just slipped out. Go on," I urged.

"Okay, and third, if I take your name, I'll feel…subjugated by you. It'll seem like you own me. And I don't wanna be dominated by anyone,"

"But you're Sam Puckett! No one dominates you!" I articulated. I was starting to get aggravated again, which was strange because I had never thought about our last names much. But as we continued debating, I realized just how significant it was to me. And how much I wanted us to be linked in this way.

"Exactly. No one dominates me because I am Sam Puckett. And I'd like it to stay that way,"

"But what about us? If we had the same last name, I'd feel more connected to you," I expressed.

"Then you can be Fredward Puckett if you want," I heard Carly, who was sitting there the whole time watching and clearly being entertained by our fight, giggle quietly at the name.

"You know that sounds nubbish!" I pointed out.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. It really does. But I'm not changing my last name,"

"But it's a tradition!" I attempted to reason.

And a stupid, sexist one at that," she bit back.

"It's not sexist! It doesn't take away your rights or anything. It's just your name!" I disagreed. But it really wasn't just a name.

"And my name is very important to me! And I'd rather not have my possible future husband screwing it up!" she was yelling by now, and the whole Groovy Smoothie was now an audience to our dispute. I guess she was just as passionate about this as I was. So I decided to give Princess Puckett what she wanted.

"Fine. It's settled. You'll stay Sam Puckett!" I finally gave up.

"Perfect!" she grinned smugly. We sat in our almost customary post-argument silence before Carly spoke up.

"Okay, you guys are definitely portraying the old married couple," Sam and I eyed her suspiciously, "You bicker about the most trivial things just like one," she acknowledged it as if it were a fact. Sam and I looked at each other and laughed, embarrassed, realizing that she was absolutely right. Our names didn't matter much. And whether her name ended up being Sam Puckett or Sam Benson, I would still love her just as much. Besides… if she changed her name, I wouldn't get to call her Princess Puckett anymore.

"That fight was a public disturbance!" T-Bo shouted complacently to the other customers, "You see? I told you that boy was inconvenient!"

**Author's Note: **Hooray for weird endings! Yes, shorter than usual. But I'm proud of it. Maybe not as much as my other two Seddie one-shots, but still proud. I tried Freddie's perspective. When I get married, I'm keeping my last name unless his is cooler. Screw customs! Review and I will give you a virtual Christian side-hug. :D


End file.
